


You got me there

by HistoryHomos



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron is aadone, Aaron is dumb, Alex steals everyones virginity, Angelica hates everyone, Another texting AU how exciting, Eliza didn't sign up for this shit, Everyone Is Gay, Except Aaron, Im trying to get back into writing don't judge my lack of originality, JAMES IS SICK, John is Beyonce, M/M, Maria is there as well, OOC, Peggy is a meme, Tags 4 dayz, What else is new, beware friends, like REALLY out of character, this is rlly gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HistoryHomos/pseuds/HistoryHomos
Summary: Good ol' texting au in which no one is a virgin, Thomas is in too deep and Maria makes friends.





	You got me there

**Author's Note:**

> LemmeSmash: Alexander Hamilton   
> Beyonce: John Laurens   
> Shutthefuckup: Aaron Burr   
> Thomasthetankengine: Thomas Jefferson   
> MadisonNeedsMedicine: James Madison   
> FrenchiestFry: Lafayette  
> Horsefucker: Hercules Mulligan  
> ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: Angelica  
> illburnyou: Eliza  
> Pringle: and Peggy  
> MissMariaLewis: Maria

Beyonce: guys!

Beyonce: G U Y S

Beyonce: GUYS I FINALLY LOST MY VICINITY 

Beyonce: VIRGINITY*

Pringle: WOOO GO JOHNNY BOY YOU GET THAT D

FrenchiestFry: DETAILS MON CHER DETAILS

Beyonce: Ok so it's like just a normal movie date night and we're just sitting on his bed stuffing our faces

Shutthefuckup: with cock?

Beyonce: no that part comes later

Beyonce: ANYWAYS like we're sitting there watching uncle grandpa or some shit I don't remember but it was the least romantic thing.

Beyonce: and I like put my hand on his leg and asks if he wants to do something else (wink wonk)

Beyonce: and he asks if I'm sure and shit cos he's the sweetest man on earth and he wanna make sure I am totally comfortable.

Beyonce: and I'm like fuck yes take me to semen town you saucy male

Horsefucker: Omg

FrenchiestFry: That's Gay

Beyonce: yeah well I'm gay so shut it baguette 

Beyonce: and he just is so careful like he asks if I'm OK every 10 seconds and asking if anything hurt or if I wanted to stop and he's so GENTLE AND CAREFUL YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND

Beyonce: HE MADE ME HOT CHOCOLATE AFTER I'M 

Beyonce: I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I NEED HIM TO KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM WHEN HE WAKE UP

Pringle: Tell him with a bj

Beyonce: das not a bad idea but sweetie I don't got the time some of us have jobs

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: Well Peggy I think you are a genius

Pringle: see John, even the mega bitch can appreciate a great mind such as myself

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: I AM YOUR SISTER 

Pringle: Angie, I love you, but even I cannot deny that you are a fucking cunt

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: you got me there

LemmeSmash: Good morning friends who love me

Shutthefuckup: go away

LemmeSmash: love u too dipshit

Horsefucker: ALEX

FrenchiestFry: HE HAS RISEN

illburnyou: THE VIRGINITY STEALER

Pringle: HE BE PLUNDERING ALL O' YER BOOTIES

LemmeSmash: what is this

Thomasthetankengine: WE KNOW

LemmeSmash: what do we know????

Beyonce: OMG BABE

Beyonce: BABY SCROLL UP AN READ THE CHAT

Beyonce: Good morning btw I love you

LemmeSmash: Omg John why

LemmeSmash: I mean I love you too hon but why would you say that holy shit

illburnyou: wheeze

Beyonce: cos

Beyonce: I wanna tell the story of tonight 

LemmeSmash: I want a divorce 

Beyonce: We aren't married????

LemmeSmash: not yet no

Beyonce: you want to marry me?

illburnyou: awwwwwwe

LemmeSmash: possibly

Shutthefuckup: that is disgustingly sweet I'm leaving

Beyonce: I'd say yes tbh

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: get your Gay shit outta here

Pringle: Angelica we're all gay

Shutthefuckup: I'm not

Pringle: Yeah well no one asked you A-A-ron

Shutthefuckup: welp

Beyonce: GUYS

Beyonce: Y'ALL GOTTA TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST TIME NOW

Horsefucker: why?

Beyonce: Cos I told you about mine and that means everyone has to

Shutthefuckup: that is 100% not how it works

Beyonce: shut

Pringle: my first time was at a college party with some random drunk girl

Pringle: (we were both drunk and we dated for a few months after I'm not a rapist I swear)

Pringle: Her name was Martha she was so pretty

Horsefucker: My first was Laf

FrenchiestFry: And my first was Herc ^-^

illburnyou: you guys are so cute

FrenchiestFry: His dick is abnormally large

illburnyou: that is slightly less cute

FrenchiestFry: I couldn't sit for days

Horsefucker: Laf no

FrenchiestFry: But it's true!

Horsefucker: Oh God 

LemmeSmash: I lost my virginity back in highschool to Maria Lewis

illburnyou: you were my first, Alexander

 

~Pringle added MissMariaLewis to the chat~

 

MissMariaLewis: Oh, hello

Pringle: how many here have had sex with Alexander Hamilton?

Beyonce: me

illburnyou: me

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: aye

MissMariaLewis: I did

FrenchiestFry: oui

Horsefucker: kinda

Beyonce: HERCULES WHAT

Beyonce: I'm not too surprised about Laf tbh but YOU?!

FrenchiestFry: ZE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Horsefucker: Alex was lonely and sex depraved and since we are good friends we felt bad and invited him to a threesome

FrenchiestFry: by sex depraved he means mon petit lion hadn't had sex in 3 days

LemmeSmash: why must you shame me Gilbert

Beyonce: I can't believe I'm dating a hoe

LemmeSmash: Can't you?

Beyonce: you got me there 

Beyonce: My shift is starting I gtg have fun without my gay ass

LemmeSmash: But I love your gay ass

Beyonce: If u behave maybe you'll get it back tonight

LemmeSmash: awe yis

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: someone's getting laid

MissMariaLewis: and for once it isn't me

Pringle: OOOOOOOOOOO

Pringle: rt

FrenchiestFry: rt

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: rt

°  
°  
°  
°  
MadisonNeedsMedicine: I'M FUCKING SICK

LemmeSmash: at this point I'd be surprised if you weren't 

Thomasthetankengine: omw

MadisonNeedsMedicine: what

MadisonNeedsMedicine: Oh my fucking God 

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: Such language James. What's the occasion?

MadisonNeedsMedicine: Thomas just barged into my room with like 10 blankets, 6 different types of tea and cough drops bless him

LemmeSmash: He'd only do that for you, he's a dick to everyone else

Thomasthetankengine: It's true

illburnyou: is Mads okay?

Thomasthetankengine: not much worse than usual. He fell asleep during the first few minutes of Steven Universe.

Shutthefuckup: if you're done there, I could use some help with the group project for Prof. Washington

Thomasthetankengine: I cannot

Shutthefuckup: what why

Shutthefuckup: ... please don't tell me he fell asleep on you

Thomasthetankengine: [godhelpmeimsogay.jpg]

Shutthefuckup: Jesus christ he did

Pringle: snort

LemmeSmash: as much as I hate Jefferson I can't deny that this is really dang cute

FrenchiestFry: this is, how you say, fucking adorable

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: you have been in America for 7 years don't act like you can't speak English you stale croissant

FrenchiestFry: this is, how you say, an outrage

Beyonce: do I smell homosexuality?

Pringle: John's gaydar never fails to amaze me

Beyonce: honestly my phone was buzzing like crazy because of you gremlins and I just assumed someone was being gay again

LemmeSmash: PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE CARIÑO YOU ARE AT WORK

Beyonce: FINE GEEEEEEEZ

Thomasthetankengine: OHMYGOD

Horsefucker: What's poppin' loverboy

FrenchiestFry: never say that ever again

Thomasthetankengine: HOW CAN HE BE SO CUTE WAKING UP IT'S LIKE A DISNEY

Pringle: "a disney"

Thomasthetankengine: EVEN HIS SNEEZES ARE CUTE MY HEART

LemmeSmash: you have a heart?

Thomasthetankengine: I THINK SO COS IT'S BEATING REALLY FAST

Thomasthetankengine: omg we need to erase these messages before he feels better and checks his phone

Thomasthetankengine: who's the admin?

LemmeSmash: it me

illburnyou: Alex

Thomasthetankengine: Hamilton

Thomasthetankengine: Buddy

Thomasthetankengine: You'll help me hide my gay shit right?

LemmeSmash: Yeah no you're on your own here

Thomasthetankengine: GOOD GOD PLEASE THIS IS A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION

LemmeSmash: it really isn't 

LemmeSmash: even if it was I'd let u die tbh

Pringle: Oh that's cold

illburnyou: Be nice Alexander 

Thomasthetankengine: FUCKING PLEASE

Thomasthetankengine: Omg he's ignoring me

Thomasthetankengine: I have to hide Jemmys phone

Thomasthetankengine: WHERE THE FUCK ISIT 

Thomasthetankengine: I'M GOING IN MY ROOM AND I'M NEVER COMING OUT

LemmeSmash: make sure to go back in the closet

Thomasthetankengine: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

°  
°  
°  
°  
illburnyou: is anyone still awake?

MissMariaLewis: do I count?

illburnyou: of course, why wouldn't you?

MissMariaLewis: I was just kinda added to the group randomly and idk if you forgot to remove me or something

illburnyou: ohmygosh nonono you are absolutely welcome here! I'm so sorry, we should've included you in the conversation more

MissMariaLewis: Oh its fine! So, is it OK if I stay? You guys seem fun, but if it's any trouble with any of you I'll leave.

illburnyou: I'm sure it will be no problem at all. In fact, most of Alexander's exes are already here so you might feel right at home

MissMariaLewis: Haha thank you. Elizabeth, was it? Sorry I didn't catch everyone's names.

illburnyou: I can help with that! I'm Elizabeth Schuyler, but you may call me Eliza or mom.

illburnyou: you already know Alex (LemmeSmash) very well I assume? The little angry bisexual with the goatee?

MissMariaLewis: lol yeah

illburnyou: Ok so 

illburnyou: John Laurens is "Beyonce" even if he can't sing for the life of him. He may seem loud and intimidating but he's actually very quiet and sweet in real life.

illburnyou: Hercules "Horsefucker" Mulligan. He's like a giant teddy bear as long as you stay on his good side.

illburnyou: Our favorite French fry Lafayette is flamboyant to say the very least. I'm pretty sure he carries glitter in his pockets just in case.

illburnyou: Aaron Burr, who conveniently named himself Shutthefuckup, is very reclusive. I know he loves us, he's just not very good at expressing it.

illburnyou: James Madison is the guy you'll go to if you want a reason to call in sick for a week, he never seems fine.

illburnyou: Thomas Jefferson is... well, he's Thomas Jefferson. I don't think there's a better way of explaining him.

illburnyou: And last but not least, my dear sisters

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: is this our cue?

Pringle: Are we doing the thing????

illburnyou: do the thing

MissMariaLewis: Uh hi 

MissMariaLewis: what's your name?

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: ANGELICA☆

illburnyou: Eliza♡

Pringle: and Pussy

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: God FUCKING damn it Peggy

ICanBeUrAngelOrUrDevil: Her name is Peggy jfc

MissMariaLewis: I love you guys already

Pringle: Good cos u gonna be stuck with us for a while 

MissMariaLewis: I can't begin to imagine the horror

°  
°  
°  
°  
MadisonNeedsMedicine: WHERE THE FUCK IS THOMAS

LemmeSmash: prolly in the closet

Thomasthetankengine: you got me there

**Author's Note:**

> Golly gee that sure was a waste of everyone's time


End file.
